Apra Kuchhal and FICCI FLO Jaipur Chapter team organized the enriching talk show for its members with the most celebrated Writer and Columnist, Shobhaa De. The theme was ‘Band, Baja and Confusion’. As much as it sounds interesting, this gathering was full of joy, wisdom and memorable time.

Shobhaa De – a lady with a pen of steel and revolutionary thoughts. She has authored numerous books and novels that have made us sit up and think over hypocrisies of the society and place of women in it. During the discussion with FICCI FLO ladies Shobhaa guided us on ‘Crossroads of cultural confusion’. Flo Jaipur Chapter Chairperson Apra Kuchhal shared: “It was great listening to someone who has made a mark for herself in whatever she has done.”

According to Shobhaa, the real Indian living in small cities has as much right to be heard as high-class city dwellers. Women will continue to work and live as first citizens as that’s what we women deserve. Shobhaa is not happy with mere Rs. 150 crore provided in budget 2014 for women safety. With this, she straight away raises questions on the glorification of violence against women in cinema, music and irresponsible comments by politicians.

De said: “Our Bollywood portrays a confused image of the modern-day Indian girl. Someone who wears short dresses, hangs out with friends in pubs till late, is surely not an ideal girl – she is considered to be someone who lacks discipline. This is what out Indian cinema is trying to glorify. But there is much more than this to a modern day woman who knows how to juggle her professional and family life with conviction.”

Our Journalist, Ruby Khan, who was also present at this event, had a conversation with Shobhaa. Here are the excerpts:

Ruby: It’s a privilege for Jaipur Women Blog to have this interaction with you. My questions have emerged from your thoughts you’ve just expressed. Today’s generation is coming closer to Indian roots, unlike before, and is proud of it. What do you think has brought this change from western heavy dose?

Shobhaa De:  It has nothing to do with western culture. It has to do with the economic strength India is gaining. This strength gives its own confidence. So, whether its men or women, today Indians walk with a confidence which is different from 10-20 years ago, especially since the world has started recognizing India as a potential superpower. We now command and get that respect and behave as we should – the citizens of a powerful country.

Ruby: Western vs. Indian – should this be a Tussle or a Tie for a new culture to be born?

Shobhaa De:  I think today we live in a global environment. It’s a global system of social, cultural values and everything related. So we cannot isolate cultures versus each other. It has to be culture that is in tune with right values where women are respected and where both men and women jointly make for a better society.

Ruby: How much do you agree with this sentence – If you want today’s girls to wear saree, make it shorter?

Shobhaa De: That’s a very foolish comment to make. A saree is a saree, it is a classic garment. You can of course experiment with it as lots of fashion designers are doing these days, but saying it in this way is actually belittling the saree and the women who wear it.

Ruby:  It is often said that due to western cultural influence sexual crimes against women are on a rise in India. What is your view point on the same?

Shobhaa De: I totally disagree with it. Is this any acceptable reason for rapes of infant girls? Do they wear short dresses or go out in odd hours? We need to come out of this sick and disturbing phenomenon. How western culture encouraged Badayun rape case where two innocent minor sisters were brutally raped, murdered and their bodies were hung on the village’s mango tree?

Ruby: Too much westernised women are often looked with a bias. Why is it so?

Shobhaa De: It is an immature way of looking at modern life. It is a cliché that true Indian woman is docile, stays in the four walls of home and doesn’t go to pubs, smoking, dancing etc. Objectifying women is not right that she is good and she is not good. We must analyse the meaning of womanhood in its own sense. We must be treated with respect as individuals and have access to environment which utilises our full potential. Of course, we must not break all the barriers and go all out. We have to understand that every freedom comes with its own positives and negatives. We must know what works for us, what creates harmony. We have to learn to balance them and utilise the positives to the optimum.

Ruby: Being a mother and grandmother of 6 kids and 2 granddaughters yourself, give our women readers some piece of advice to break the communication gap and overcome all the confusion with their children.

Shobhaa De (laughs): OK. I think as a parent you have an additional responsibility, hence, having any gap in communication with children should be a no no. My mantra is – listen to the music your child listens. Let it be Honey Singh or some jazz – and you’ll understand him/her in a new light. Talk to them and ask more about their choices. The moment they’ll start talking about it you’ll develop a new bond. Next, you have to be mentally ready to face sexual inquiries from your growing child with reasonable answers without getting angry, ashamed or shocked because if you do not provide them with dignified and satisfactory answers, be sure they have a torrent of information around them which may be wrong and misguiding. You can lock them up but not their inquisitive minds.

Ruby: Shobhaa De’s message?

Shobhaa De: If you really want to bring about the much needed change in the society – educate the next generation. Only educated women will bring this change as new mothers sensitising not only their daughters but their sons too about respecting women. As far as this generation is concerned, we have the laws in place. Now it is just that how we negotiate the space between man and woman more intelligently – and it’s bound to happen.

Ruby: Thank you, Shobhaa.

Shobhaa De: My pleasure. Love to Jaipur women. xoxo

By: Ruby Khan,

JWB Journalist